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Bert Schnick
Bert Schnick is a supposedly blind and flaky Austrian and the host of DTV's "Marriage Maze". He is a major character in ''Shock Treatment'' portrayed by Barry Humphries. Biography Shock Treatment Bert hosts DTV's "Marriage Maze" a game show that's only purpose seems to ruining marriages. For his show, he chooses Brad and Janet Majors as the next contestants and he promises them that the experience will improve their marriage. On the show, Bert makes Janet question the state of her and Brad's relationship, with she saying Brad's not been very caring towards her ("Bitchin' in the Kitchen"); she ultimately decides to commit her husband to "Dentonvale" for a checkup. Ricky comes on stage with a wheel chair and takes Brad away to Dentonvale with Bert saying Brad will "learn how to care in the surgical chair". Meanwhile, also on "Marriage Maze", Bert has Janet's parents, Harry amd Emily Weiss, as contestants on the show. He promises a prize if they can offer a psychological assessment of Brad. The Weises decide that Brad is regressing back to a mental stage of childhood, so Bert awards them a new home on DTV's "Happy Homes". At "Dentonvale", Bert informs Cosmo and Nation McKinley that the financing for their show has been taken over by Farley Flavors and if they want to keep their program on DTV, they must support Farley's new pop psychology movement, using a new TV reality/talk show program titled "Faith Factory" with the McKinleys as his mouthpieces. While watching a videotape, Bert has the McKinleys persuaded, and under Farley's orders, they agree to recruit Janet to be the face of the new show ("Farley's Song"). In reality, Farley is obsessed with Janet and plans on kicking Brad out of the picture so he can seduce her during the "Faith Factory" premier. The next morning, Bert awakes and goes to Janet's room, ending up full-sightedly staring at her in the shower before being caught by Nation, who asks the both of them if they want a snack. Later that day, Bert along with the McKinleys, make Janet a black dress and give her a makeover ("Little Black Dress"). Janet is transformed into "Miss Mental Health", an overnight sensation on DTV, but the fame goes to her head, causing her to forget about Brad's well being ("Me of Me"). To prevent her from snapping back to reality, Bert and the McKinleys begin drugging Janet to keep her manageable. Bert, Janet, and her parents, visit Brad in the Terminal Ward, and Harry and Emily question the Dentonvale staff on their abilities of helping Brad. The Dentonvale staff demonstrate their abilities by "curing" Bert's blindness with shock treatment ("Shock Treatment"). At the "Faith Factory" premier, Bert and the McKinleys watch as Brad, Betty, and Judge Wright crash through the set wall disrupting the entire show, Brad confronting his brother Farley ("Duel Duet"), Janet snapping back to her own ego and getting shunned from the stage with the others, and Macy Struthers replacing Janet as "Miss Mental Health". After Janet, Brad, and the others flee the studio ("Anyhow, Anyhow"), Bert, the McKinleys, and Farley begin celebrating after committing the entire DTV studio audience to the Terminal Ward at "Dentonvale" as part of the psychological programs of "Faith Factory" ("Denton U.S.A. reprise"). Music has solos in: *Little Black Dress sings as company (chorus) in: *Shock Treatment (with Cosmo, Nation, Ansalong, Harry, Emily, and Janet) *Denton, U.S.A. (reprise) Category:Male Characters